Almost 20 years ago, when my teenage daughter was drinking, cutting classes, and acting defiant, I came into Al-Anon. Nothing my husband and I did improved the situation, and our marriage suffered because of our disagreements and the strain. We decided we needed help.

A friend recommended a therapist who was good with teenagers. We went to see the therapist and his first recommendation was that we start going to Al-Anon. We went to a beginners' meeting at our county mental-health facility. Soon I felt comfortable with a small group I found that met near my home, but my husband decided not go to any more meetings.

In the beginning, I did not understand that Al-Anon was about me changing rather than changing another person. I learned a lot about my enabling and controlling behaviors and made a conscious effort to change them. That was very hard for me to do because I grew up in an alcoholic family, so I had spent my whole life learning these behaviors. I went to meetings for about three years. My daughter went to college, my marriage improved, and I thought I did not need Al-Anon meetings anymore.

About ten years later, I found myself at a new bottom again when I could no longer deny my husband's alcoholism. Once again I found a therapist who told me to go to Al-Anon meetings.

The group I had attended so many years before had disbanded, but I found another warm and loving group. This time I knew I really had to work the program to change myself. Otherwise the pain of living with the results of alcoholism was too great.

I have found friendship, acceptance, and love since returning to Al-Anon. I was grateful for the acknowledgment of shared feelings and experiences. I wanted to reach out to people at the meeting but did not know how. I am a shy person, so it took me a few weeks of meetings before I felt comfortable speaking.

At first, I used service work as a way to help me feel I was a part of the group. I started by helping put away our Conference Approved Literature after the meeting. After a year, I felt ready to chair the meetings for a month. I started attending a second meeting every week and volunteered to fill the Group Representative position for that group. In the past year, two people asked me to be their sponsor. A few months ago, one of my sponsees asked for help in starting a beginners' group in our area and I agreed to help her. The beginners' meeting has added a whole new dimension to my recovery. It keeps me focused on the basics of Al-Anon.

As much as I have grown and changed, I know I have more work to do. The program keeps me honest with myself and able to look at life realistically. I know I will keep coming back as long as I can. I will always be grateful to the therapists who suggested that I try Al-Anon.

This article may be reproduced in its entirety without alteration using the following credit line : Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.

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